News Roads

And now we need private roads for the billion-shilling Benzes

We are in things,” said the man as he swayed like a tender shoot after an elephant had farted while trudging past. And now it is raining Benzes and forty-mas as those in things live the life we sent them to live.

Naturally, there are those who are threatening to stop shaving and commit suicide by drowning in sand over mere cars. A car is a car, whether it is branded a Benz or costs more than the economy of Karamoja.

Fellow Ugandans, stop pretending that you are angry. Things are at that point where a parent tells their obstinate child “we shall see” and folds their arms akimbo knowing it will all end the way they feared but now expect.

Such a parent will even give the rascal child money to go and waste themselves. If there is so much money to splash forty-mas to each MP – I swear I don’t know how many they are even – then we surely have enough to keep going strong. 

By now we should have pushed for the idea mooted years ago that some of these top officials get choppers to fly them around. 

And this is where my anger is. Imagine we have paid billions of shillings to procure cars that will need roads yet we have no roads.

The last time I saw such a thing happen was in 1994 when an obese boy called Mukombozi arrived in the sugarcane plantation to cut the canes without a panga.

What the two fellas needed was not Benzes but choppers. And what those chaps running on boda boda to pick forty-mas need is not petty cash but the magical broomsticks from Pakwach. That is a gem that has been portrayed in many Disney strips. We need to show the world that it’s our own thing.

We have spent so much money on cars that will need more cars to clear the way for them in our terrible traffic yet districts like Bukedea continue to look like abandoned relics of roadside food stores for vendors dealing in fresh mangoes.

But now that it is here, there is nothing we can do about it except to make it work. I don’t know why this government has been hesitating for so long but as the Number Two of the Peril of Africa, Sheraton should have long been turned into the Speaker’s residence. 

This is for convenience and will be cheaper than spending so much money constructing a special flyover from Fufa House to Parliament. From Sheraton to Parliament, you wouldn’t have to worry about traffic and boda boda.

And Sheraton being adjacent to Plot 1, Nakasero, would make it even more stupendous. Then Serena can be turned into residence of the Deputy Speaker and this would save the economy a lot in a time when fuel prices are galloping to the skies.

If we cannot do this then we have to endure a little more. The roads authority either has to construct flyovers in the sky connecting the houses of these Benzes owners directly to their workplace or we just rename any of the roads after them and make them exclusive highways.

Remember, folks, we are in the revered middle income economy. Unless you want to go back, we should live with it and that means living large. 

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