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Boundaries are extremely important in any relationship. It helps in keeping us away from things that are unhealthy for us. For our own mental and emotional sanity, we need to have certain boundaries. However, for some people, setting boundaries can be extremely difficult. When we are brought up in dysfunctional homes, we do not grow up watching people respecting the boundaries and privacy of others. Hence, we try to become more people-pleasing in the later stages of life. “For some of us, setting boundaries is so difficult because we’ve learned that upsetting someone else means they won’t love us anymore,” wrote Therapist Klara Kernig.
When we set boundaries for ourselves and also for others, there are a few mistakes that we must avoid:
ALSO READ: Ways to stay emotionally regulated when you set a boundary
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Not staying emotionally regulated: It is extremely important to be emotionally regulated when we set boundaries. While knowing what to say is important, it is equally important to know how to say it.
Overexplaining yourself: Some of us fear being disliked when we set a boundary. Hence, we try to overexplain ourselves to make others feel better. However, we should remember to make ourselves a priority and set boundaries that are healthy for us.
Not presenting a solution: We should not just set a boundary and stop the conversation – we should also work in finding solutions together. While focusing on the problem can make us feel heard and validated, exploring the solution is a more productive approach.
Not taking responsibility for your feelings: We should take responsibility for the way we are feeling and the emotions we are dealing with. This helps us to become more aware of ourselves.
Not following through the boundary: Setting the boundary is the first step. The next step is abiding by the boundary that we have set. Under no circumstances should we cross the boundaries.
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