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When we grow up with trauma in dysfunctional homes with emotionally immature caregivers, we face a difficult time while setting boundaries. That happens because for a prolonged period of time, our needs have not been met. Hence, we start to believe that our needs are not important as those of others. “When we grow up around emotionally immature caregivers, they are often not equipped to deal with their own emotions. Let alone yours. A big part of emotional immaturity is to dismiss the feelings of others, not necessarily out of lack of care but rather because of their inability to stay emotionally regulated around others who express their emotions,” wrote Therapist Klara Kernig.
The Therapist further noted down ways by which we can stay emotionally regulated when we set boundaries:
ALSO READ: Boundaries versus walls: Therapist explains the differences
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Anxiety before setting a boundary: Since we did not grow up having boundaries in childhood and our homes, we think of setting boundaries as a way of making people angry. This creates anxiety in us before we set the boundary. However, we should remember that setting a boundary is more important than thinking of what may happen after we set the boundary.
Guilt after setting the boundary: We may feel guilty for restricting people after we set boundaries. However, we should focus on the reasons why we set those boundaries and stick to our decisions. Also, we should challenge our thoughts.
Anger when others do not respect boundaries: The boundaries that we set for others may not make sense to others – that does not justify them not respecting the boundaries. When we feel angry, we should find healthy ways to vent out the difficult emotions and stick to the reasons why we set our boundaries in the first place.
Scared when we set a boundary: When we set a boundary, we let people know what we need and what they should respect. When we show such vulnerability, it is common for us to be scared. However, we should not fear stop us from doing it.
Awkward and uncomfortable: When we are new to asserting ourselves, it is natural to feel a little awkward and uncomfortable. However, we should take the leap and find the way.
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