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The good girl syndrome stems from childhood trauma often. When we are brought up in dysfunctional homes, we do not receive the love, care and affection that we deserved in childhood. Parents and caregivers often make their love feel conditional and transactional. Hence, we start to believe that in order to receive affection, we owe them something. Hence, we end up prioritising others, their choices, their decisions and lose our sense of self in the process. “As children, we learned that in order to receive love and security, we had to constantly appease those around us. We molded ourselves to fit the projections of our caregivers, prioritising their expectations over our own authentic selves. This process effectively masked our true essence and led to a form of self-abandonment,” wrote Therapist Lalitaa Suglani.
Becoming aware of the patterns is the first step to understanding how to heal ourselves. Lalitaa added, “Many people carry this programming throughout their lives, often wondering why they aren’t appreciated or taken care of by others. Recognising and comprehending these patterns is a crucial step toward healing and liberating ourselves from societal expectations.”
The pleaser: In this type of good girl syndrome, a person focuses on the approval that they receive from others. Their sense of self and confidence in themselves is dependent on external validation.
The perfectionist: This person is driven by the fear of making mistakes and failures that may disappoint others. Hence, they try out everything to become perfect.
The over-achiever: In this archetype, a person constantly seeks validation through their achievements and successes.
The enabler: This person is hyper focused on accommodating the needs and behaviors of others, often at the cost of pushing their own priorities far away.
The conformist: This type of person believes in staying by the rules, and hardly every takes a stand for themselves – they are driven by the fear of getting criticised and disliked by others.
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